When we went into the classroom Bel introduced her babysitters as her "Mom and Dad". She introduced me as her "other mom". I was internally quite upset about being the "other" mom. They are not her parents at all! Why should I be the "other" mom?! If anything they should be her "other" parents!
After I was able to calm myself enough to not be totally mad at the sitters, I realized something...they're black. I mean I suppose I should have noticed that before, but it wasn't really an issue. I mean I didn't care if they were black, blue, green, or purple! I just apreciated that they loved GOD and loved my daughter!
Today however, I noticed that she does notice. She notices that I'm not black. That I don't have the same skin color as her. More over, she notices that EVERYONE else notices that we don't have the same skin color. So more as a convience than anything else, it is easier to introduce her sitters as her parents because they are also black. It leaves her with far less questions to answer. Making for a much easier day for her.
I've caught her answering the question "Why is your mom white?" this way before:
"My daddy is black. I have his color."
Then she'll look at me and say "What?! My daddy is black. I not lie!" lol She cracks me up! She is talking about her bio dad.
This answer also leaves her with less questions. She doesn't like to tell people she is adopted because she doesn't like to answer the "Why?". That is completely okay with me. One day she will be able to talk about it...in her time...in GOD's time.
All of this to say, today I learned that there is one thing I can never be for my daughter. It hurts me to think I can't be everything for her, but this is reality! I will never be black. I will never be able to relate to my daughter on that level. While I was the minority for a while (being the only white person in a Haitian community), I will never truly know what she feels. I will never understand how frustrating it is to have to use a million hair products to make my straight. I will never understand how it feels to feel like I have to live up to the white man's expectations of me. I will never understand how it is to be immediately stereotyped as a trouble maker solely because of the color of my skin. I will never understand these things. It breaks my heart that my daughter feels less than because of the standard of beauty which is socially accepted set by the white man.
Reality is all I will ever be is the "white" mom. GOD please make us color blind! Help me lead by example! This is the realties of what happens When GOD calls a Girl...
0 comments:
Post a Comment